Interpersonal Media and Long Distance Romantic Relationships

How does interpersonal media influence long distance romantic relationships? Interpersonal media includes smart phones, Skype, texting, Social Media (Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Snapchat, Tumblr etc.) email, instant messaging, or any non face-face communication with modern computing technology. Interpersonal media is becoming more prevalent. By 2016 it is estimated that 80 percent of the United States population will be using mobile phones (Anson 2013). About 172 million people in the United States have a smart phones (2013). This is a trend that is happening all over the world. Technology is allowing people to communicate regularly from different towns, cities and even countries. It is now possible to have an intimate relationship with someone you hardly ever see in person. The communication between couples in long distance relationships is limited to technology that is impersonal and thus lacks such key elements in communication theory such as non-verbal cues and shared experience. With technology, couples are able to share each other's experiences through written words that have to be interpreted by their significant other. Long-distance romantic couples share information across different geography, social groups, and cultures in order to increase certainty and well being in the relationship.

Studies consistently find that interpersonal media (with the exception of social media) is necessary for long-distance relationships today--especially among younger generations. It seems that more community based communication channels have little to no influence on a the overall satisfaction of a relationship. But more one-on-one technological communication is more likely to contribute positively to the relationship and increases levels of intimacy. Intimacy serves as a mediating tool that overpowers any negatives associated with social media (2013). From that, I can infer that long-distance relationships (that don’t have as much intimacy) are without with mediating effect and thus are more likely to view social networks as a threat to the well-being of the relationship. This is despite the fact that more ‘uncensored’ information is disclosed through social media regarding social groups and culture. Most couples attribute having known each other as platonic friends prior to their relationship to the success of the relationship (2004). Perhaps face-to-face communication is more essential during the initial experimentation phase of a relationship than during some of the later stages. During these later stages people in long distance relationships participate in more self disclosure and even are able to idealize their partners behaviors--this can lead to more feelings of intimacy than if the couple were participating in the relationship in person (2013). It is more likely that most new forms of interpersonal technology are increasing long-distance couples ability to show affection and find satisfaction in the relationship (2011).

Although more of the studies listed above point to interpersonal media (with the exception of Social Media) having a positive effect on relationship, I can’t help but see it as counterintuitive to see social media as having more of a potential for negative affect in a long-distance relationship. If disclosure leads to intimacy in a couple, then it only makes since that facebook use (which contains so such self disclosure and cultural information with regards social groups, events, world views etc.) would increase couples satisfaction with each other. Now-a-days, so much cultural information is displayed through social media. Information that is disclosed through social media can give an accurate representation of ones culture. On social media, like Facebook, cultural information is shared such as family pictures, relationship status, social status, religious affiliations, jobs they have, economic status, who their friends are, what school they went to, their philosophical view, what movie they like, tv show they watch and information about what cocultures they are a part of. However, this kind of public self-disclosure is not favorable means among dating couples. They prefer disclosure that is more private and personal.

It seems that romantic couples want a different kind of disclosure. They want personal disclosure--self-disclosure that is catered to only one person. Public self-disclosure on social media can be seen as more of a threat to the relationship. This makes sense because if the other partner is disclosing information to others outside of the relationship there is more potential for a social exchange. Social exchange theory states that people use cost and reward analysis to determine whether or not to stay in a relationship. When people in relationships log onto Facebook, they are seeing a lot of information about people outside the relationship. To reach these conclusions the majority of the sampling was college students at 73%. Also in the study, only 31.7% of the participants described their relationship as serious. I thought that 31.7% is unexpected high because I had the assumption that people in long distance relationship would view themselves to be more serious because of the sacrifice they are making in being far apart geographically (2013). Perhaps older generations have a different view on social media and perceive community based communication networks to be less of a threat.

Despite couples favoring texting as their primary source for communicating and not social media (which contains more culture and community) couples are still able to disclose information (2011). However, is the information being disclosed through texting different than that of Social Media? Yes, with Social Media, there is somewhat of a less personal communication that is concerned with culture that is more idealized so fit the users friends. However, since culture is largely made up of our social groups and how we categorize ourselves in society, one gets a more accurate view of someones cultural identity through Social Media than they do by asking a person. I can conclude from this that long distance relationship couples are less concerned with their partners cultural identity and more concerned with their personal perception of identity.

Is it possible that people in long distance relationship give their partner's a skewed view of their cultural identity? Are they giving their significant other a view that they want the other person to see. We get our cultural identity from our cultural context (our school, the town we grow up in, college we go to etc.) In long-distance relationships, there is much more of a personal one-on-one communication than one that is interactive with each other communities and social groups, so less culture is shared. However, there seems to be no link between knowing someones cultural context and the progression of the relationship. Surely people in long distance relationship have some knowledge of the other person's culture, but not nearly as much as they would is the relationship was geographically close. People seen to associate personal self-disclosure with intimacy, rather than what they learn about their partner though their culture.

However, long distance relationships, in order to be successful need to have some overlap in culture. The way couples present eachothers culture has to been somewhat of an accurate perception. People from entirely different cultures may not even be able to communicate with words--and if the did would have nothing to talk about. In order for a long distance relationship to be successful, there has to be some shared culture. With globalization, however, differences of a culture are becoming less and less of a problem. It makes sense that if a couple were apart for a long period of time (after having spent some time in the same culture) that their relationship would eventually suffer because they would assume so many cultural differences that personal disclosure would be confusing. This suggested that we get our personal identity from our cultural identity. Which is another way of saying that we come to know ourselves in terms of others. In the communication theory of Symbolic Interactionism we are able to arrive at our own identity through the actions of others. If a couple is in different cultures for a long enough time (and are not communicating about each other culture) they would eventually feel as if the other person does not understand their personal identity. This is because the separate cultures that they are in would eventually assume their personal identity. So if a long distance couple were to even find themselves in a situation where they are in cultures completely foreign to each other for a long period of time they would have to learn eachothers culture for the relationship is survive.

One interesting find what that romantic couples rarely use webcam to communicate. I thought that webcam chat would show more positive results, because unlike Social Media, webcams are one-on-one, like texting. This study with demographics who were older, 48% being married couples. Are older people less aware that technology exists where couples are able to chat through a webcam and thus see each others non-verbals? However, the other ~50% of the study was college and graduate students (who are definitely fluent in webcam technology) (2011). My knowledge of webcams tells me that although they are able to do their job, webcomics are not nearly as personable as face-to-face communication. However, they’re much more non-verbals that are disclosed through webcam than through texting. Through webcams couples can see eachothers facial expressions and hand gestures. Still, however, not as much non-verbals are able to be picked up if the couple were talking in person. So then why do couples favor texting over webcam use. Are couples intentionally avoiding face-to-face contact through a webcam? I don’t think that couples are going out of their way to not communicate though webcam but I think that busy people do not have time to get on a webcam often. Many young people live busy lives and texting does something that webcam chat cannot: it takes place on the couple own time. Also, many older generations aren't even aware that webcams exist. Perhaps when technology increases to the point where webcam chat is more personable we will see a change in the way long-distance couples communicate.

So what is it about texting that is so attractive to couple in increasing personal intimacy? In texting information is shared on the users own time. Texting doesn't demand an immediate response. Two people can have a text conversation throughout the day on their own time. This makes is possible to have an extending conversation with someone throughout the day. Someone can send their boyfriend or girlfriend a message as soon as they wake up and the message will be waiting for that person. Also, the information that is disclosed through text messaging is only intended for one person. Text message are very personal. The person receiving the message feels as if the message is more genuine than if it was communicated through Social Media. It is not uncommon for couples to save text messages on their phones, similar to the way couples save letter from each other. Another advantage for texting is that for younger generations it is quite enjoyable. People like composing a text and then anticipating the response.

One thing that is usually overlooked at when talking about texting is emoticons. With emoticons couples can share the way they are feeling. However, emotions, have intention behind them. Sometimes real non-verbals come out involuntary. But still, emoticons definitely create intimacy and add a layer of depth to a text conversation. It’s possible to interpret emoticons as a rudimentary form of non-verbal cues. However, emoticons can be interpreted very differently depending on the context. What kind of emotions can someone express through emoticons? Surprisingly, almost any emotion you can think of. Some emoticons are complex, while others are simple, :) (happy) :( (unhappy) :* (kiss) :’( (crying) :D (laughing or really happy) :0 (surprised). There are also ways to show intensity on that emotion by texting them with the last symbol repeated. For example, texting “:)” means you are happy, texting “:))))” says you are very happy. Now there is even picture emoticons that have cute animals, signs, and a wide range of faces. From my own personal experience I know that emoticons elicit a conditioned emotional reaction. When I see “:)” in a text message, I feel happy and excited, a similar reaction I would get if someone smiled at me.

One of the downsides to texting that is not discussed in any of the articles is that whoever is sending the text in the long distance relationship can choose more precisely what he or she discloses. Keeping a secret though a relationship where text messaging is the primary source of communication is much easier than a close proximity relationship. Many times in relationships, couples rely on each others non-verbals to get hints on the current state of the relationship. Couples in long-distances relationships have less control in whether their partner breaks a relationship rule-or whether or not they will be aware of it. Trust is key in long distance relationship.

A second fall back to texting is that is mostly made up of words. Words are symbols. They way one person interprets a word of phrase may be entirely different from the way their partner does. Because there are no non-verbals to aid texters when communicating, a response that says “Ya” could be interpreted that something is wrong when in reality, they just may not be in a best place to send a long text message. If couples are going to be successful in communicating through text they have to realize that they are getting no verbals. Sometimes communicating through text messages can require a little for effort to understand each other. For example, girl texts, “K” and the guy thinks she may be mad (no non-verbals to aid him. So he texts her, “Is everything alright?” She may say something like, “Oh yeah sorry, Im in call right now so I can’t text a lot”. Couples in long distance relationship have to be patient with each other and realize that they are going to need to make up for all the ambiguity they experience without getting non-verbals.

Another downside to long-distance relationship (and have not a lot of shared culture) is that terminating the relationship is easier to do. And couples in long-distance relationships have less concern for the consequences when they do so. In this study however 90% percent of the participants were under 25 years old (2010). I think that young people tend to be more flexible when it comes to ending relationships. They are still in the experimentation phase of life and are trying out different people to see what they like. We already know that less culture is shared in long-distance relationships. Could this contribute to it being easier to end a relationship? I think yes. When a couple is deeply intertwined in eachothers culture, there is more things that are “holding” them together. If all a couple shares less culture, then, ending the relationship is easier than is a couple shares more of each other's culture. Couples that are deeply involved in eachothers culture share things like friends, family, social groups, traditions, church, school etc. It seems like the more tangible things that are shared in a relationship the harder it can be to end that relationship.

Is it bad though that texting gives romantic partners more mobility to leave the relationship? Is is possible that when more culture is shared in a romantic relationship there is more on the line? We know that some shared culture is necessary in long distance relationships--but there needs to be a balance. Not enough shared culture and cultural disclosure in a relationship makes the relationship lack involvement. However, any relationship that contain too much shared culture can become immobile. For some people I think that long distance relationships are a nice way to find a balance between how much of each other's culture they experience. Intimacy seems to be the one thing that dictates a successful long distance relationship. Most people get their intimacy through texting rather than social Media or other form of interpersonal media.

What can we expect to see as technological advances continue to connect us? Form the research I can conclude that although couple will utilize new form of communication, unless it is one that is personable and where users can communicate on their own time, it will not be favored. In the foreseeable future, texting will continue to help couples build intimacy over long distances. However as social media becomes more efficient there will be more of an accurate view into peoples culture. This will without a doubt give long distance relationship more stability--because with more shared culture comes less emotional relationship mobility.

From this research I learned that long distance relationships get their value in personal self disclosure through interpersonal technology and that less emphasis is placed on culture in this types of relationships. As a result long distance relationships tend to have smoother breakups. Too much exposure to each others culture is bad--and so is too little. Couples who engage in long distance relationships should utilize all from of technology, especially texting. It important for couple to experience a high level of intimacy and texting seems to do the trick. However, if the relationship relies entirely on intimacy and not on any shared social group, school, town etc., the relationship becomes very easy to leave. Balance is the key.

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